Mobile users, you're not in a soundproof box.*

Dear Lady at the Coffee Shop,

First of all, allow me to explain that your mobile phone amplifies and transmits your conversation across the cellular network. I know that AT&T’s service sucks around here, but your iPhone is not a soup can connected to a string. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SHOUT LOUDLY ENOUGH THAT THEY CAN HEAR YOU ACROSS THE BAY!

Second, if you want to have a conversation about matters of a personal nature, using the aforementioned shouting technique in the middle of a crowded coffee shop is not the way to go. Step outside. No, really. We won’t be offended.

Third, stop giving everyone nasty looks while telling your friend that we’re all “eavesdropping.” Honey, you’re 20 feet away, I’m wearing earbuds and I can still hear you clearly over my podcast. I don’t want to hear your conversation, but I really have no choice in the matter.

Fourth, and only since you asked so loudly, yes, I do think it’s weird that you’re sleeping with your sister’s daughter’s baby’s father. Your argument that “it’s not like we’re really related,” isn’t really compelling. And no, it’s not just because he’s half your age and unemployed. You are not a character in a telenovela. Broaden your horizons and try to find a man who hasn’t impregnated a family member.

I certainly hope that this has helped to clarify some of the finer points of mobile phone etiquette for you, and maybe even helped you straighten out some of the drama in your personal life. If you have any further questions for the group, just shout.

Sincerely,

Betty

(Does anyone else wish that phone booths still existed, just so the loud people would have somewhere to speak in private?)

* Photo used via Creative Commons. Bonus points for the fact that the guy inside is actually talking on a mobile phone.

Tags: AT&T, cell phone, coffee shop, etiquette, manners, mobile phone

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